This October Day

As I stepped outside yesterday, I could smell autumn in the air. The cool, sweet breeze gently blew against my face. Then with the next step, the sun warmth spread across the right side of my body. Oh, how I love this season. The very thought of what is to come in the near future leaves me savoring every second of this October day. Dave and I walked around the yard, exploring trees, feeling the prickly grass on our feet, with a lively baby in my arms. We showed her the bamboo daddy has been growing in the back. She smells, touches and tries to eat one of the leaves, discovering with all her senses as she often does. I puzzle at what this place may be like for her, a young and impressionable creature. Every new taste or smell is a first, her first. We make our way to the sturdy grandfather Oak, then to our newly planted Magnolia. Each time we approach a tree, she waves her arms in excitement and sequels out in pure joy. It takes my breath away seeing her explore the world. I hope she gets to see it all, taste it all. Dave and I make our way to the front of the house, sun still shining, wind still blowing gently on our skin. Dave lays out a blankey on the grass just under the oak in front of our home. We lay out in the sun, we play and laugh all together.

something more

Someone once told me that the desires we have in our hearts come from a higher power .....meaning God. This was years ago but it stuck with me. The concept absorbed into my skin, my being , little by little until it became a part of me; a part of my world and every time I question why I feel so strongly about certain things, in that tiny moment, I wonder why God has put that desire in me. Desire is such a strong word, something that one cannot live without. There have been many things in my life that I felt a longing for, nothing quite that would measure up to my longing to be a mother. My heart would race at the concept of holding my own precious soul in my arms. For a long time, I wasn't sure how this would come to be but I knew it would, I felt that it would. Patience. Endurance. The realization that life is what we make it. I choose this moment. I choose her. Again, I feel my heart race. Enter desire. Yes, I recognize the feeling. My whole body warms at the thought. Something more, something more.

To Dave- In the right moment.

She was young and he was too. Both not ready for anything more than a dance under the dim light. At the rehearsal dinner, they sat across from each other, pictures were taken, balloon hats were worn, salsa was eaten.... and neither boy nor girl gave a second glance at the person sitting near. The presumption being that it was not meant to be. "Oh, he"s a great guy and he's so cute", the bride told her sister. And the girl, who maybe lacked some self confidence, did not pursue the blue-eyed, blonde haired man. As for the boy, not much is known of his thoughts on her at the time if there were any. Alas, it was not the right place, it was not the right moment. They enjoyed the wedding and went on their ways, back to their different worlds, different dreams. She fell in love and married, soon after. One destructive decision after another and life was difficult. She knew her world was not ideal and realized that some things should be let go of. She moved back home, not searching for anything short of freedom. He had a rough go after high school and made the choice to move from the only place he had ever known. He needed a fresh start, a new hopeful existence. Free from her shackles, she saw a glimmer of opportunity in her future. She embraced her new life, and for the first time ever, she learned to love herself. So, when her sister mentioned the boy again, she figured there was nothing wrong with becoming friends. She hardly remembered his face. He just got out of a relationship and agreed to have a chat with her. At over 4,000 miles apart, they opened up to a friendship; they accepted which ever direction it would go. But nobody truly knew what was to come. She found it easy to converse with him. She told him all her secrets and her dreams. He acknowledged her in a way she had never known possible. They grew together. As their conversations lingered, so did their nights and days. Sometimes, they would talk so long that they would fall asleep on the phone. She loved hearing his tired, scratchy voice. He loved her giddy zest for life. They would have never known that this was meant to be; that love could be born by merely sharing and gaining and even more so, without seeing. The right place and the right moment just hadn't happened until then. The story of us begins.......